Tuesday, March 19, 2013
update
Sorry I haven't posted in forever. Life has been incredible stressful in between hearing from colleges and all the work I have had to do. But that shall calm down by Friday and I promise multiple posts about the many things I have done/ are doing at the present time. Thanks :)
Monday, February 4, 2013
Please let this storm stop. I'm begging.
I'm feeling really discouraged at the moment. It seems as if everything keeps going wrong regardless of how I am approaching life. I haven't heard anything from any of my colleges recently and its gotten really frustrating. The state 4-H office is constantly giving me problems because they keep rejecting any attempts I have to help the program, most recently being a t-shirt design for the centennial. I'm overwhelmed with work for my All-Star project. I think worst of all is that I feel like I've felt so distanced from everyone recently, it feels as if I'm behind a wall and can only see whats going on but can't directly participate. It doesn't make it any better that everyone else is upset all the time.
I'm pretty much exhausted of everything right now and feel very much dejected. I hate to sound ranty but I need to get some of it off of my chest for now... though I can't really go into details.
And partly because it fits the mood of the post, this has been my favorite song recently. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q3LEadIk3w
I'm pretty much exhausted of everything right now and feel very much dejected. I hate to sound ranty but I need to get some of it off of my chest for now... though I can't really go into details.
And partly because it fits the mood of the post, this has been my favorite song recently. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q3LEadIk3w
Friday, January 25, 2013
My feelings at this moment.
Actually... I lied. I actually have more to talk about than posting a link to a song I discovered earlier today.
I want to backtrack a little bit. Last week when my rabbit died I wasn't really up to talking about anything because I was an absolute wreck, like collapsing into a heap of tears on the floor mess. And as much as I adored Sprinkles my sadness went far beyond her suddenly dying on me. I have 4 other rabbits, two of them are mine and the other two are my brothers. I had been preparing myself for a while now to go back there and find one of my other two rabbits dead, one of them is really old and the other isn't super old but has had various medical problems that have dramatically shortened her lifespan. So when I went to the rabbit barn to find Sprinkles dead and not Lizzie or Nutmeg it was like a confirmation that I am more than likely going to be rabbitless within the next year, something I certainly was not expecting. I love all of my animals to pieces, which I guess can be a weakness in some respects, especially when some of those animals are 4-H meat animals to start with, but I figure that they deserve to be loved unconditionally no matter what they are or how long they are going to be on this earth. So even though it may seem ridiculous that I have been mourning the loss of a rabbit, just know that she meant so much more than that to me.
On top of this, there has been a lot of problems in regards to what is going to happen with raising my lamb this year. I don't feel that it is appropriate to rag on people because of all of the drama that goes on, but I will say that I feel very hurt at the moment by someone I didn't expect it from. Also, as of right now... because of some of the actions that have taken place recently, I no longer have a breeder or a place to raise my lamb meaning that I might not have a lamb or a rabbit to show at the county fair this year... my last county fair I can participate in before I leave for college. Of course, all of this has happened in the past week and I can't even begin to express how frustrated and upset I am at pretty much everything because of it.
Finally, on something completely unrelated to 4-H, I am beginning to feel very down on myself. For one thing, my senior year has not been anything like I have expected and I haven't even gotten through one month without feeling absolutely miserable about something. This has also been the longest time I have gone without interest in anybody since I can't even remember when... and this lack of interest has led me to really question and degrade myself. This has been mainly about my height because everything that has happened in this past year has really opened my eyes to only only the immaturity of many of the people around me but also to the fact that people can't really get past the height issue. Many people don't really understand this, but when you always have to look down on almost all of your friends it begins to hurt you psychologically. Also being bombarded with images of couples where the woman is so much shorter than the man and all the scenarios that stem from that, and knowing that this will never be a possibility for a girl who is six feet tall really takes a toll after a while. Most of the time I am able to brush it off but lately it has really been getting me down. That and I just can't wait for a change of scenery.
So anyway, I have returned to ranting. If you enjoy that then fantastic! Feel free to enjoy my complaints. If you don't, sorry... I really don't know what else to say to that.
Here is the picture of Sprinkles that refused to upload before. Sorry for the delay.
I want to backtrack a little bit. Last week when my rabbit died I wasn't really up to talking about anything because I was an absolute wreck, like collapsing into a heap of tears on the floor mess. And as much as I adored Sprinkles my sadness went far beyond her suddenly dying on me. I have 4 other rabbits, two of them are mine and the other two are my brothers. I had been preparing myself for a while now to go back there and find one of my other two rabbits dead, one of them is really old and the other isn't super old but has had various medical problems that have dramatically shortened her lifespan. So when I went to the rabbit barn to find Sprinkles dead and not Lizzie or Nutmeg it was like a confirmation that I am more than likely going to be rabbitless within the next year, something I certainly was not expecting. I love all of my animals to pieces, which I guess can be a weakness in some respects, especially when some of those animals are 4-H meat animals to start with, but I figure that they deserve to be loved unconditionally no matter what they are or how long they are going to be on this earth. So even though it may seem ridiculous that I have been mourning the loss of a rabbit, just know that she meant so much more than that to me.
On top of this, there has been a lot of problems in regards to what is going to happen with raising my lamb this year. I don't feel that it is appropriate to rag on people because of all of the drama that goes on, but I will say that I feel very hurt at the moment by someone I didn't expect it from. Also, as of right now... because of some of the actions that have taken place recently, I no longer have a breeder or a place to raise my lamb meaning that I might not have a lamb or a rabbit to show at the county fair this year... my last county fair I can participate in before I leave for college. Of course, all of this has happened in the past week and I can't even begin to express how frustrated and upset I am at pretty much everything because of it.
Finally, on something completely unrelated to 4-H, I am beginning to feel very down on myself. For one thing, my senior year has not been anything like I have expected and I haven't even gotten through one month without feeling absolutely miserable about something. This has also been the longest time I have gone without interest in anybody since I can't even remember when... and this lack of interest has led me to really question and degrade myself. This has been mainly about my height because everything that has happened in this past year has really opened my eyes to only only the immaturity of many of the people around me but also to the fact that people can't really get past the height issue. Many people don't really understand this, but when you always have to look down on almost all of your friends it begins to hurt you psychologically. Also being bombarded with images of couples where the woman is so much shorter than the man and all the scenarios that stem from that, and knowing that this will never be a possibility for a girl who is six feet tall really takes a toll after a while. Most of the time I am able to brush it off but lately it has really been getting me down. That and I just can't wait for a change of scenery.
So anyway, I have returned to ranting. If you enjoy that then fantastic! Feel free to enjoy my complaints. If you don't, sorry... I really don't know what else to say to that.
Here is the picture of Sprinkles that refused to upload before. Sorry for the delay.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Sprinkles
I'm really sorry I keep flaking out on posting, I just feel like I don't have a lot of interesting things to say anymore. But don't give up on me yet, I won't leave you again like I did last year.
Today has been really rough, everything has been so surreal and I haven't stopped crying for pretty much the entire day. If it wasn't for all of my friend, especially Amanda, I probably wouldn't be able to function at all anymore.
I don't really want to talk too much about it because it physically hurts to cry at this point as my eyes are completely dried out. To put it simply, my French Lop Sprinkles died today. It's still a really sensitive topic so I'm only going to copy paste what I wrote on Facebook earlier and probably talk about it more later when I'm not so emotionally distraught.
When I first picked you out of the litter at 3 weeks old on Christmas Eve in 2010 I already knew that you were going to steal not only my heart but everyone else that ever saw you. Even then you had boundless energy and always wanted to meet someone new. You were so adorable, and everyone knew it. I can't even begin to count how many times someone walked up to me asking if they could buy you, but there was no way I was going to give up my baby. You have meant so much to me, and had I known that you were going to leave me so soon I would never had taken you for granted for even a moment. It feels as if my world has shattered because my baby bunny is no longer in it.
I miss you so much Sprinkles. Please know that I'll always love you.
R.I.P.
12/5/10 - 1/17/13
There was a picture that went with it but it refuses to upload right now, i"ll add it in later.
Today has been really rough, everything has been so surreal and I haven't stopped crying for pretty much the entire day. If it wasn't for all of my friend, especially Amanda, I probably wouldn't be able to function at all anymore.
I don't really want to talk too much about it because it physically hurts to cry at this point as my eyes are completely dried out. To put it simply, my French Lop Sprinkles died today. It's still a really sensitive topic so I'm only going to copy paste what I wrote on Facebook earlier and probably talk about it more later when I'm not so emotionally distraught.
When I first picked you out of the litter at 3 weeks old on Christmas Eve in 2010 I already knew that you were going to steal not only my heart but everyone else that ever saw you. Even then you had boundless energy and always wanted to meet someone new. You were so adorable, and everyone knew it. I can't even begin to count how many times someone walked up to me asking if they could buy you, but there was no way I was going to give up my baby. You have meant so much to me, and had I known that you were going to leave me so soon I would never had taken you for granted for even a moment. It feels as if my world has shattered because my baby bunny is no longer in it.
I miss you so much Sprinkles. Please know that I'll always love you.
R.I.P.
12/5/10 - 1/17/13
There was a picture that went with it but it refuses to upload right now, i"ll add it in later.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
I'm going to college!!!
I know my last post was essentially me just whining about the fact that I haven't heard anything from any schools yet and that I more than likely wouldn't find out about any of them until next year. Well, today I got some unexpected mail. First, I got a letter from Rutgers... so I started shaking and pretty much ripped the envelope in half. When I opened it the letter only said that they would notify me online. In February, so I was slightly disappointed that I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. Then my mom continues to go through the mail and suddenly her eyes get really wide. I looked up and was like... what? she proceeded to hold up this giant white envelope that said Michigan State University across the front. I ripped it out of her hands and opened it as fast as I could. Honestly I don't think I read the words on the letter for a full five minutes. I just saw big letters saying "Congratulations, You're a Spartan!" and I burst into tears. It's pretty much impossible to explain that moment, just knowing that regardless of what any other college says, you are going to college. And what is even better is that this school was one of the three I visited over the summer. It's not my number one, but it's nice to know that I have a really good school to look forward to if stuff doesn't work out.
I can't even begin to explain how happy I am right now, it's so surreal. So, I'm just going to leave off with a picture my mom took of me while we were at MSU this summer.
I can't even begin to explain how happy I am right now, it's so surreal. So, I'm just going to leave off with a picture my mom took of me while we were at MSU this summer.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Sorry to make you wait
Quite frankly, I'm mad at myself. I said that I would try not to go for more than a week without posting anything from now on considering I almost went a whole year with absolutely nothing. I also feel really guilty about it because there are a significant amount of people who actually read this now, which is exciting and scary at the same time. I feel a lot more pressure to write about something interesting.
To give a brief update on everything, I have been really busy with the semester coming to a close. I finished my college apps a couple of weeks ago and I am now still currently waiting to hear back from all 10 of the schools. I don't think it would bother me all that much, but everyone else has started to get a flow of acceptance letters and I'm still sitting here not even knowing if I'll be able to go to college. What's even worse is that I won't know about my number one school until March, and my hopes are up so high... I'm terrified. The waiting game is a million times worse than the applications.
My 4-H project is going well, I had about 30 people join me to walk in our local parade to advertise the centennial. I also talked to Joe Simitian again on Sunday, were going to go get coffee one day so he can help me more with my project.
Two of my friends were called back fro the final interviews for the giant scholarship that I was applying for. Hopefully I can get one of the smaller ones.
I was rejected to be a delegate for California in the National 4-H Conference this spring. I was disappointed considering I really wanted to go to that, I'm beginning to get the feeling that the State Office really doesn't like me. Too bad I'm trying to do something really special for them.
I have 2 more days of finals left, unfortunately none of them are going to be easy (except for one which is a party but that's besides the point). Ive got multiple essays and DBQ's ahead of me. Yay for IB style tests.
My class ring came in the mail on Saturday. It's gorgeous and I love it.
Despite the fact that my grades are really good right now, and all my problems are starting to clear up again... I'm just really not in a good mood. I know that part of it is the fact that, even though I am super excited for college next year, I'm really scared about what's going to happen with my friends.
Okay, so this was a stupid post. I'm sorry. I hope I get out of this trench soon.
To give a brief update on everything, I have been really busy with the semester coming to a close. I finished my college apps a couple of weeks ago and I am now still currently waiting to hear back from all 10 of the schools. I don't think it would bother me all that much, but everyone else has started to get a flow of acceptance letters and I'm still sitting here not even knowing if I'll be able to go to college. What's even worse is that I won't know about my number one school until March, and my hopes are up so high... I'm terrified. The waiting game is a million times worse than the applications.
My 4-H project is going well, I had about 30 people join me to walk in our local parade to advertise the centennial. I also talked to Joe Simitian again on Sunday, were going to go get coffee one day so he can help me more with my project.
Two of my friends were called back fro the final interviews for the giant scholarship that I was applying for. Hopefully I can get one of the smaller ones.
I was rejected to be a delegate for California in the National 4-H Conference this spring. I was disappointed considering I really wanted to go to that, I'm beginning to get the feeling that the State Office really doesn't like me. Too bad I'm trying to do something really special for them.
I have 2 more days of finals left, unfortunately none of them are going to be easy (except for one which is a party but that's besides the point). Ive got multiple essays and DBQ's ahead of me. Yay for IB style tests.
My class ring came in the mail on Saturday. It's gorgeous and I love it.
Despite the fact that my grades are really good right now, and all my problems are starting to clear up again... I'm just really not in a good mood. I know that part of it is the fact that, even though I am super excited for college next year, I'm really scared about what's going to happen with my friends.
Okay, so this was a stupid post. I'm sorry. I hope I get out of this trench soon.
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