sleepovers and bunnies

So last night I slept over at a good friends house. And there's something about talking about life at two in the morning that you can't really get at any other time of the day.  I'm not sure why, it's almost as if there's a certain part of the brain that only functions at that time of night and it helps you to see the world clearly.  Now its not like we were talking about anything philosophical, it was just typical stuff that girls talk about at sleepovers, crushes and being catty about people that have been bugging us recently.  But, as I get older, and sleepovers get less and less frequent, I start to realize how much i crave them.  Because, besides the fact that everything seems to be a lot clearer so late at night, its also the fact that you get soo tired, that you no longer feel embarrassed to tell the little minute details of things that happen ( usually involving something a crush does).
Well this blog made a lot more sense in my head, but I guess that's because I can admit to myself details of what happened that I can't admit online... or to really anyone else for that matter.  But I don't know, there's a certain feeling that you get in your stomach when you talk about those sorts of things... it's soo appealing. The fact that you hardly ever get any sleep and that comfort really isn't an option has no effect on it.
So, when I got home today and was mulling over everything we talked about last night I lost track of what I was supposed to be doing at the moment. My mom approached my saying that Lizzie (my 2 year old French Lop who is essentially my baby) apparently had something wrong with her eyes besides the fact that she has fur mites.  I freaked out thinking it was weepy eye ( a disease in rabbits that cant be cured and can kill them if its bad enough) and ran back to the rabbit hutch.  I got really scared when I saw her laying on her side when I got up there. She slowly got to her feet but she didn't turn around and say hi to me like she always does.. and something seemed wrong. I got her out of her hutch to see of she would act like she normally does when she hopped around which she did, though seemingly slower. I'm starting to get really scared, I love that rabbit more then ANYTHING in the world, she acts more like a dog then a rabbit, but ever since the time when she prolapsed/ injured her back she seems to slowly be getting worse... I know its going to shorten her life dramatically, but I'm not sure what I would do if I lost her... I don't even want to think about it.
I'm sorry for the awkwardness of this post, I'm really tired, worried, and stressed out about a bunch of stuff right now. I'll try to make more sense of things later.

school vs. sleep

Do you ever have those days where yous just SO tired in school that you can't even yawn or fall asleep. Yeah ... that was me today, I spent ALL day yesterday working on homework from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m. And then wasn't able to fall asleep.  so the 3 hours I did manage to get were all i was running on today. But I guess I have to get used to that this year..... ugh. So its either lack of sleep and being cranky all the time, or bad grades and not getting the IB diploma.  Oh shucks, well i guess sleep is going to be a luxury this year.

But sometimes I have to wonder, we are pressured with so much homework all the time, to the point where some people have to go and get professional help under the stress.  And all we are told is that we have to do well and do all this if we want colleges to accept us.  Do colleges really want zombie students who need medical help because of all the stress they have been placed under? I thought they wanted people that would be unique and do well in school, as well as doing a few things that make them a well rounded person. Do you ever feel like that? That no matter what you do, it's never enough, and that everyone is just swallowed in a big dark hole of expectations that they can never fill. 

I also thought that high schools were going to lay off on the pressure, trying to help us get through things so that we feel encouraged to get into college, not deterred by the fact that we wont be able to please the colleges we want to get into.  And what about those people who try so hard to be perfect, and even when they seem to be, some sort of authoritative figure is always undermining them and focusing on the negative instead of all the wonderful things that person has accomplished. 

I can't tell you how much I am aggravated by this, not everyone is capable to be incredibly book smart, but they still should have the right to get into college.  Because, believe it or not, there ARE jobs out there, and some good ones too, that don't necessarily require you to be book smart. And one of the biggest things colleges focus on for accepting people is SAT scores! Are you kidding me!!!  Those tests are DESIGNED to test you knowledge based on things that AREN'T taught in your classes. Ad those people who just aren't good test takers are out of luck, because those tests don't take that into account.  Have colleges not realized this? Not everyone can show their knowledge in the same way. 

Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to criticize colleges and universities for doing things wrong. They have been around for a HECK of a lot longer then I have so they probably know better anyway. I just think that some of the things that are viewed as important in today's education need to be reconsidered a little bit. 

So, am i the only one that feels this way? or am I just incredibly oblivious to the greater truth. Or maybe, its the lack of sleep talking and not the fact that some things in out education system seem a bit odd. So.. what do you think?

Friendship and Attempted Suicide

To take a break from my massive amounts of homework I figured I should go back and recap a bit of my life since school has started.  I was completely happy and ready for the new year, without worrying about anything to cause me any distraction.  Then i get a voice mail at the end of the first week, from my friend, except he wasn't calling from his number, but instead from a mental institution.  He didn't explain why, but only said that he missed talking and wanted me to call him back. I freaked out. I called another friend (of whom he said he was planning on calling after) to figure out what had happened. She told me he had attempted suicide. I lost it, and cried for the next 2 days straight. What made it worse was the fact that the extensive amounts of homework i got prevented me from calling him until that following Wednesday.  That conversation resulted in more tears... lots more.
I would go into details, but considering this is a public website and for his sake I would like to keep this all private, I cant tell you any more then that.  Its been a couple weeks since then, but it still bothers me immensely and every time I watch something that mentions suicide I can't help but think about what would happen if he would try again, but this time he would actually succeed.  I wouldn't be able to bear losing one of my closest friends.

I'm trying everything I can to help, as well as trying to talk to him as often as I possibly can, but i don't think its getting through. He goes to a different school, and some of his friends aren't as caring as he needs them to be right now. Especially since his parents are very conservative and not so accepting, he needs to have comfort in other places.
I'm trying to help as best as I can, but as I've never been through something like this before... I'm not sure what else I can do. If anyone out there can provide some sort of guidance for me or is able to pray for my friend (only if you feel comfortable with it of course), that would be much appreciated.
Thank you, and I'll try to talk about something geared more towards you guys next time. I just needed to vent a little.  

Why Hello!

I've been debating starting a blog for a long time. Well, obviously I finally got around to doing it.  Hopefully it will be worth as much for you readers as it is for me, to explain my life as it happens, and hopefully help others with yours at the same time.
Well, i should get ahead of myself. I am a junior in High School and I am an IB diploma student. Okay yeah, that's one really generic boring piece of information, but i can't think of other ways of putting it. I've never been good at introductions, simple as that. But don't worry, you will get to know me eventually.
I decided to make this blog as a way of venting, but in a way that will be relatable and helpful enough so that if ever you get into a situation like whatever I'm going through at the moment, then you will have some reassurance that you are not alone.
Well... that sounded sappier then I expected, I'm sorry for that. I promise that I will get better at this blogging thing as time goes on. But for now, I'm going to leave you at that. I'm not going to get into the emotional drama on the first post, that's not right.
I'll write back as soon as I can.