I'm going to college!!!

I know my last post was essentially me just whining about the fact that I haven't heard anything from any schools yet and that I more than likely wouldn't find out about any of them until next year. Well, today I got some unexpected mail. First, I got a letter from Rutgers... so I started shaking and pretty much ripped the envelope in half. When I opened it the letter only said that they would notify me online. In February, so I was slightly disappointed that I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. Then my mom continues to go through the mail and suddenly her eyes get really wide. I looked up and was like... what? she proceeded to hold up this giant white envelope that said Michigan State University across the front. I ripped it out of her hands and opened it as fast as I could. Honestly I don't think I read the words on the letter for a full five minutes. I just saw big letters saying "Congratulations, You're a Spartan!" and I burst into tears. It's pretty much impossible to explain that moment, just knowing that regardless of what any other college says, you are going to college. And what is even better is that this school was one of the three I visited over the summer. It's not my number one, but it's nice to know that I have a really good school to look forward to if stuff doesn't work out.
I can't even begin to explain how happy I am right now, it's so surreal. So, I'm just going to leave off with a picture my mom took of me while we were at MSU this summer.

Sorry to make you wait

Quite frankly, I'm mad at myself. I said that I would try not to go for more than a week without posting anything from now on considering I almost went a whole year with absolutely nothing. I also feel really guilty about it because there are a significant amount of people who actually read this now, which is exciting and scary at the same time. I feel a lot more pressure to write about something interesting.
To give a brief update on everything, I have been really busy with the semester coming to a close. I finished my college apps a couple of weeks ago and I am now still currently waiting to hear back from all 10 of the schools. I don't think it would bother me all that much, but everyone else has started to get a flow of acceptance letters and I'm still sitting here not even knowing if I'll be able to go to college. What's even worse is that I won't know about my number one school until March, and my hopes are up so high... I'm terrified. The waiting game is a million times worse than the applications.
My 4-H project is going well, I had about 30 people join me to walk in our local parade to advertise the centennial. I also talked to Joe Simitian again on Sunday, were going to go get coffee one day so he can help me more with my project.
Two of my friends were called back fro the final interviews for the giant scholarship that I was applying for. Hopefully I can get one of the smaller ones.
I was rejected to be a delegate for California in the National 4-H Conference this spring. I was disappointed considering I really wanted to go to that, I'm beginning to get the feeling that the State Office really doesn't like me. Too bad I'm trying to do something really special for them.
I have 2 more days of finals left, unfortunately none of them are going to be easy (except for one which is a party but that's besides the point). Ive got multiple essays and DBQ's ahead of me. Yay for IB style tests.
My class ring came in the mail on Saturday. It's gorgeous and I love it.
Despite the fact that my grades are really good right now, and all my problems are starting to clear up again... I'm just really not in a good mood. I know that part of it is the fact that, even though I am super excited for college next year, I'm really scared about what's going to happen with my friends. 


Okay, so this was a stupid post. I'm sorry. I hope I get out of this trench soon.

Scholarship Interview

So I applied to the Sequoia Awards scholarship, which is awarded to High School seniors who are really committed to community service,at the end of October. I got a call about a week and a half ago letting me know that I had made it past the first round and that I would be brought in for interviews at some point. Well, my interview was today and so I was really trying to look my best so I actually dressed up for school. I know, it is quite an achievement for me.
I ended up running late so I showed up right at the exact time my interview was supposed to start so I was a little more freaked out then I would have liked to have been. The interview went well though, they said that they really liked the essay that I had sent. So, I guess I'll find out in January if I make it too the next round of interviews.

Crossing my fingers!!!

I'm feeling a little bruised.

I have always had problems with being bullied. It has been a constant part of my life since I was in pre-school. I never wanted it to be this way, no one ever does, but it seems that no matter the circumstances I can never escape it.
As I have made blatantly clear on this blog, I have been going through a fairly rough time since school has started this year. Everything that had happened was terrible and I have frequently found myself feeling absolutely miserable because of it, but even through all of the hurt and loneliness I managed to get through it by avoiding interactions with people that aren't my close friends. It has been pretty effective for the most part.
Recently, after Amanda got rid of her facebook, the two of us decided to get tumblrs so that we could share things back and forth with each other. No other reason. Frankly, the fact that I actually gave in to getting a tumblr is very surprising because the whole concept really bothers me, and I consider it a very poor excuse for a blog. But, I would do pretty much anything for Amanda, so I gave in. We only got them a few days ago, and I have been very hesitant about the whole thing because I didn't want people that we know to see that I had one because it is only meant for us and Morganne.
Last night, someone found me.. and sent me some anonymous hate mail. I only responded to one of their two messages, and I made sure that my response would be carefully thought out so that hopefully no one will bother me again. And even though what they said wasn't the worst thing someone has ever said to me it still hurt. I'm sick of the fact that people won't leave me alone, and I can't understand why people hate me so much, especially now that I'm trying to avoid most everyone. I think that it wouldn't have bothered me so much, let alone made me cry myself to sleep, had it not been for the fact that this is not the first or even second time that this has happened. Sophomore year, I was attacked over Formspring over and over again, at 2 separate times throughout the year. And it wasn't just one person, it was multiple people constantly barging me with all of these painful messages until they got bored or something. I never handled that as well as I should have, (which was part of my reasoning for being so careful now) but that has haunted me ever since. I thought that I had escaped it and that people had sort of accepted me or something by this point... but I guess not.
If it happens again I think I am just going to delete the tumblr, it's just not worth it. And if so, Amanda and I can find something else to do where people won't be terrible.

Sorry to have another sad post. I was planning on doing a whole start of the Christmas season thing today, but I needed to vent a little bit after that.

Thank you for being supportive of this blog, I know more people are reading it now and it is great to know that there is somewhere that I can be myself and not have to be worried about it. It means a lot.