I have always had problems with being bullied. It has been a constant part of my life since I was in pre-school. I never wanted it to be this way, no one ever does, but it seems that no matter the circumstances I can never escape it.
As I have made blatantly clear on this blog, I have been going through a fairly rough time since school has started this year. Everything that had happened was terrible and I have frequently found myself feeling absolutely miserable because of it, but even through all of the hurt and loneliness I managed to get through it by avoiding interactions with people that aren't my close friends. It has been pretty effective for the most part.
Recently, after Amanda got rid of her facebook, the two of us decided to get tumblrs so that we could share things back and forth with each other. No other reason. Frankly, the fact that I actually gave in to getting a tumblr is very surprising because the whole concept really bothers me, and I consider it a very poor excuse for a blog. But, I would do pretty much anything for Amanda, so I gave in. We only got them a few days ago, and I have been very hesitant about the whole thing because I didn't want people that we know to see that I had one because it is only meant for us and Morganne.
Last night, someone found me.. and sent me some anonymous hate mail. I only responded to one of their two messages, and I made sure that my response would be carefully thought out so that hopefully no one will bother me again. And even though what they said wasn't the worst thing someone has ever said to me it still hurt. I'm sick of the fact that people won't leave me alone, and I can't understand why people hate me so much, especially now that I'm trying to avoid most everyone. I think that it wouldn't have bothered me so much, let alone made me cry myself to sleep, had it not been for the fact that this is not the first or even second time that this has happened. Sophomore year, I was attacked over Formspring over and over again, at 2 separate times throughout the year. And it wasn't just one person, it was multiple people constantly barging me with all of these painful messages until they got bored or something. I never handled that as well as I should have, (which was part of my reasoning for being so careful now) but that has haunted me ever since. I thought that I had escaped it and that people had sort of accepted me or something by this point... but I guess not.
If it happens again I think I am just going to delete the tumblr, it's just not worth it. And if so, Amanda and I can find something else to do where people won't be terrible.
Sorry to have another sad post. I was planning on doing a whole start of the Christmas season thing today, but I needed to vent a little bit after that.
Thank you for being supportive of this blog, I know more people are reading it now and it is great to know that there is somewhere that I can be myself and not have to be worried about it. It means a lot.
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