fragments

I wish I could give myself a break but I'm not sure there is a way I could do that without isolating myself from society.  I think the fact that I am so confused has come from the fact that the multiple guys that are in my mind at the moment ( fyi that's a really bad thing for me, I can only handle one crush at a time to maintain sanity) have certain characteristics that I really like, so I have seemed to morph them all into one giant lump in my minds eye...  but in reality the fragments i lump together into one ideal guy are fragmented.  I'm starting to believe that its my brain telling me that I really shouldn't be liking anyone at the moment, but the rest of me is really in need of it.  I need someone who fills the different aspects: the one that can relate to my background, the one who seemed to think that I was worthwhile even when I didn't think so, and the one who could make me laugh/ be a really good friend.  Being a hopeless romantic really screws with your head sometimes... that's probably the reason for all these really bad headaches I've been having.  I need a change of environment where I can start over and forget about all these past memories and move on.

because its the best way I can think of to express it, I'm going to input some song lyrics."Secret's out, that I just might care about you
You broke me, you're leaving
There's nothing I can do

I'll find a way to close the door
I want to say so much more but
I found you once, you're lost again
Two thousand miles took what could have been

I don't want to
Won't let myself
I have to realize
This might be
This could be
This is goodbye"