But I think whats getting to me the most is that it's November. That means Thanksgiving is getting really close... too close.. which means I can't hide from my emotions anymore. And I have no clue what is going to happen, all I know is that it's going to be bad and I really don't want it to come. Can't we go back in time or something, or speed time up. Something that can help me get away, get away from the fact that I have no closure, get away from everything that reminds me of it all, get away from thinking about him for more then a week, get away from all the what if's and what could have been's.... away from this pain that keeps eating me away.
But there isn't anything I can do to avoid it. Ever. I am caught in this trap forever. All the holiday get togethers, the christmas cards, the small talk, the mere mention of things that I associate with him.
Why is it that the things we try hardest to push away are the things we are never able to? Why is it so hard to let go and forget about all these strong emotions even after you think you have moved on. How come no one seems to respect the fact that you are having a hard time and that your emotions are a lot stronger and more difficult to get rid of then a lot of other things? Why is it that people tell me to get over it when I am having a hard time, yet when they are sad I will always try to be there for them? Why is it that I can't sleep at night because of all of these questions running through my head? Why is it that I can only release all this emotion by venting out on this keyboard for the world to see on this blog? Why is this so freaking hard?
345 days ago... my view of the world changed. And now......I've been left in this horrible feeling of swirling through options for escape and redemption.
Why is it that the things we try hardest to push away are the things we are never able to? Why is it so hard to let go and forget about all these strong emotions even after you think you have moved on. How come no one seems to respect the fact that you are having a hard time and that your emotions are a lot stronger and more difficult to get rid of then a lot of other things? Why is it that people tell me to get over it when I am having a hard time, yet when they are sad I will always try to be there for them? Why is it that I can't sleep at night because of all of these questions running through my head? Why is it that I can only release all this emotion by venting out on this keyboard for the world to see on this blog? Why is this so freaking hard?
345 days ago... my view of the world changed. And now......I've been left in this horrible feeling of swirling through options for escape and redemption.
It's interesting how someone can change you so much....
No comments:
Post a Comment