It's late, I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep. not a good thing... I need rest... bad.
There's a lot I want to say, but no way to say it. It has been that way for me a lot recently, that I can't put my thoughts or anything into words, or that I'm really not sure I would want to hear them come out of my mouth myself. It's hard to deal with, wanting soo badly to tell someone everything inside your head, but then not being able to say it. At least this is better then the way I was last week, feeling guilty and upset and confused all because I was trying to force myself to feel a certain way. But it got to the point where the pain that was causing me filled me with so much exhaustion that I stopped. So, I feel happier now, but more afraid of myself at the same time.
I feel like no matter what I do... I'm not going to be happy with myself or have people not be happy with me, or both.
oh yeah... and finals are coming soon. I really don't want to have to deal with finals, not now.. can't we just skip them or something. hide, climb over to the happier side of the rainbow, go to Sweden and start over, something?
yay for midnight positivity.
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