I know things are starting to get better and even though I have to force myself to fall into new "habits" everything should be starting to be ok again. But I feel so empty, I'm not really sure what's happening to me though I know whatever it is it can't be good. I almost lost it again today. at school. It's not like anything really happened. I also almost hit someone. I don't hit people.... so that in itself scared me. If it wasn't for my outlet in ceramics, I don't think that I would be mentally stable.
I'm trying my best not to care about anything and focus on school and college apps. Stay focused Viktoria... you can do this.
Yeah sure, I can do this... but that doesn't ensure that I'll end up being happy again later on. I still feel a bit like a loser, especially since I didn't see this all along. I mean... it should have been obvious right? People tend to have personalities similar to that of the people who they hang out with. And most of that group of people drive me crazy because they can be such jerks. So why the hell did I expect him to be any different? At least I found out when I did, not that that makes dealing with that fact any easier. Especially now that I feel like I'm a hopeless case, nothing ever seems to work out and no matter how I approach things, everything always ends badly. Ugh, I must be like some negative omen or something.
I want to apologize now for the fact that all of my posts are really negative and depressing at the moment, this blog has become my healing tool. Please bear with me... it will end eventually. I promise.
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