I never use the block option on facebook. never. So the moment when I realized that finally using it would be my best option, was not easy. I kept sitting there staring at my screen wondering whether or not this was something I really wanted to do. On one hand, this would prove to myself the fact that I am completely done and will officially have absolutely nothing to do with him ever again (this will be the last post about it I swear). But, even after everything, there is still a part of me that is refusing to let go, no matter how hard I try. It is this part of me that keeps making me go through these constant mood swings. One second I'm fine, and then the next... I'm a complete mess.
So, I listened to Amanda... and I did it. My eyes were watering the whole time. 2 minutes later: I had somehow moved from the table to my bed, sobbing into my pillow. I'm trying so hard to convince myself that I'm ok, that this isn't affecting me. But at the same time... it's not like I can keep these emotions bottled up forever. Right?
So yeah, he now officially does not exist. I know this is going to help.... but this is honestly one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced.
I don't even want to fall asleep anymore just in case I end up having a dream about him. But then I remember that I have a chemistry test tomorrow... and then I give up on that notion.
Praying that I can make it through tomorrow. I'm just taking it one day at a time. 24 hour increments are manageable enough. I hope.
I'm still ok. There is no problem. Everything is fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment